Cullens and Catharsis
by drunkonwords
Summary: "What is your deepest, darkest fear? What memories gnaw at you until you cower in terror? What are your inner demons?" Bella, Edward, Rosalie, Alice, Emmett, Jasper-all of them are broken in their own way. But when they're brought together by the childless Professors Cullen, they'll find healing and family, along with greater challenges than ever before.
1. A Drowned Rat

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, nor do I make any money off of this. **

**Preface**

_We all have a weakness_

_But some of ours are easy to identify_

_Look me in the eye_

_And ask for forgiveness_

_We'll make a pact to never speak that word again_

_Yes you are my friend_

* * *

This is my story.

This is Edward's story. This is Alice's and Rosalie's story, Emmett's and Jasper's. This is a story of demons and fears, of dark pasts and hidden tragedies. This is a story of catharsis and cleansing, of hopeful futures and bright possibilities.

None of us have anywhere to go. We're all seeking our last refuge, lost and battered souls. We're like puzzle pieces that have been abandoned. All from different sets, all of different colors, all different shapes. The colors have faded, the cardboard has frayed, and we're all bent out of shape.

We don't fit together at all, but in a depressing way we're a complete set. All broken. All abandoned. All haunted by our own demons.

Looking around the room, seeing all the people clustered around me, my gaze can't help but linger on a few specific individuals.

Edward, standing alone in the corner, eyes fixed on the bookshelf in front of him. His arms are wrapped around himself, his shoulders hunched. A girl walks up to him, laughing, reaching out to him in invitation. Edward mutters a rebuff, shying away from the contact. His hand flutters unconsciously to the ring on his finger, turning it over. I know whose face he sees as he holds her ring. His dead mother's.

Alice, sitting in the corner of the room, perched on the edge of the sofa. Her thin hands, pale even with her olive skin, are clasped together in her lap to hide their trembling. Her black hair that hangs in a sheet down to her thighs is pulled back in an elaborate braid, baring her emaciated shoulders. Her long sleeved shirt, billowing and elegant, isn't just for the cold weather. It's to cover the bandages from IV tubes.

Rosalie, leaning into her boyfriend, his arm possessively curled around her shoulders. She smiles at the ground, nodding and giggling as Royce whispers in her ear. She's wearing elegant clothes, dark jeans with a shimmering turtleneck sweater. Except for her hands, she's completely covered from neck to ankles. Even her face has a thick layer of make-up covering it. She doesn't have bandages like Alice. No, she just has bruises from her boyfriend.

Emmett, running around the party, jumping from group to group. Right now he's laughing with a bunch of jocks, but it's a forced laugh. It doesn't reach his blue eyes, frosted over with pain as he looks at a girl chugging a bottle of alcohol. He excuses himself from the group, standing forlornly in the middle of the party. Surrounded by people and unable to connect with any of them. He's refused to drink anything offered to him at the party tonight, scared it's spiked. He doesn't want to fall back into his addiction.

Jasper, leaning against the wall, smooth-talking a girl standing in front of him with his Texan accent. His weight rests on his right leg, his left leg cocked to avoid aggravating the newly healed bone. He hasn't moved around much either, hiding the fact that he walks slightly bowlegged with a limp. The broken leg stopped him from running physically, but it didn't stop him from running from his problems. Like the problem that he accidentally shot his girlfriend.

Then…there's me. Sitting in the corner of the room, curled up on the couch with my notebook in my lap and pen in hand. Not talking to anyone, not socializing, not letting anyone get close to me. That's just how I am. I like the safety and protection of a group. But I like to be alone in that. It feels natural to me, the right thing to do. I don't know where the inclination came from—it was either the neglect or the molestation.

This is our story.

* * *

**Chapter One: A Drowned Rat**

I sighed as I let myself into my small dorm apartment. I hung my raincoat up, leaving my boots on the tile floor next to the door. The perpetual rain in the Olympic Peninsula was a nice change from Phoenix. I'd lived there all my life, and I'd needed to get away. Change everything, when I left for college.

Phoenix was bright and sunny. I'd loved it. I could learn to love it again, given enough time. But it was tainted with dark memories that I'd rather forget. Here, where the rain and fog was omnipresent, was clean. A fresh start, a place for me to try again.

There was a faint knocking at my door. I paused in the doorway to my kitchen, frowning at the door. I didn't know anyone here. I didn't know why anyone would be calling on me.

I sighed again, resignedly, as I moved to the door. Looking through the hole, I saw a small girl. She was another college student who lived down the hall—Alice, her name was. She looked like a drowned rat as she stood on the doorstep and dripped water onto the carpet.

I opened the door. "Hello." The hallway behind her was empty, all other doors closed.

She gave me a small smile. Alice's arms were wrapped around herself, draped in a thick raincoat that was ridiculously huge on her tiny frame. Her long black hair fell around her, plastered to her face. Her hood was pulled down on her coat, which seemed foolish to me if she had been out in the rain.

"Hi," she said, apologetically. She glanced uneasily down the hall, rocking on her feet. "I'm sorry, and I feel bad for this, but can I come in? I left my key to my apartment in my room, and the RA won't be by to let me in for another hour or two."

I hesitated as I looked at Alice. I knew her, from a distance. We'd had a class or two together. She was a quiet girl, missing a lot of classes due to some illness or another. But I'd never talked much to her, beyond the occasional greeting or passing message. I hardly knew her.

Swallowing with apprehension, I stepped aside to let her in. That was the polite thing to do, I told myself. Regardless of how uncomfortable it made me, to share my private space with another.

I'd never had a roommate. I'd opted for a single dorm, paying the higher price just so I could be alone. As soon as I could move out of freshmen housing, I'd chosen one of the small, more expensive apartment style dorms so I could be completely self-sustainable.

And not having many—if any—friends, no one came over to just hang out. I was alone, and that was the way I liked it. Being alone was safe. It was comfortable.

Watching Alice come in my doorway, stepping over the threshold into my domain and taking off her wet tennis shoes as she looked around my personal space, was not comfortable.

I closed the door behind her. "So you're locked out of your dorm?"

Alice chuckled weakly, taking off her raincoat and hanging it next to mine. I stepped back, putting some more distance between the two of us. "It was stupid. I was rushing out and I left my key on the counter, and you know how the doors lock automatically. Usually I'm better about it. Remembering my key, that is."

Silence fell between us as I tried to think of what to say to bridge the gap. I didn't know what she liked to talk about. I didn't know what we were supposed to do now, as she stood there and I stood there and we looked at each other.

"Why were you rushing?" I asked, picking out the only thing I could to keep the conversation going.

Alice tugged her long sleeve blouse down over her wrists. I caught a flash of a purple stretchy bandage, the small lump standing out under the damp clothes. "I was late for a doctor's appointment," she said quietly, eyes downcast. She took a deep breath, then glanced back up at me. "I didn't want to miss the bus into Forks. There wasn't another one for a couple of hours, so I had to run. And then I had to walk back in the rain, because I forgot my umbrella, too."

I nodded, turning around to move back to the kitchen. Back to Alice, I let out a deep breath and screwed my face up in frustration. I didn't know what I was doing.

"You can sit down anywhere," I said, waving at the tiny living room with a free hand. I heard the shuffling of clothes and light tread of her sock feet as she walked to sit down, and the couch wheezed as she set herself down on it. I moved into the kitchen, looking around.

"Drink, drink," I muttered. That was polite, to do. "Do you want anything to drink? Coffee? Hot chocolate? Water?" I called loudly to her, still not looking at her.

"You don't have to do that," Alice said awkwardly. "I just wanted a place to sit down out of the rain, and I didn't particularly want to sit in the common room like this. I don't want to impose, really."

I put my hands on my hips. "You're here now, so do you want anything?"

"Do you have tea?"

I frowned. "You mean like hot tea?" Who the hell drank tea?

"If you don't have any, I'll just have hot chocolate," Alice said, voice quiet still. I set about heating water for her, pulling out a cocoa packet and pouring it into the cup. I brought it over to her, sitting down on the chair opposite the couch.

There was a moment of silence while Alice sipped her drink, glancing at me over the top rim of her mug. I looked down at my hands clasped in my lap, avoiding her gaze.

The silence was broken by the ringing of a phone. Alice set the drink down, pulling out a small flip phone. She glanced at the screen, her brow furrowing as she gnawed on her lip. Reluctantly she opened it. She paused for a moment, then began to speak in rapid fire Spanish.

My eyebrows rose. I could speak the language somewhat, after having studied it in high school, but I was nowhere as proficient as her. She sounded like a native, by the way it rolled off her tongue and rattled around in her mouth.

I only caught a few words of her quick speech. Her voice was low and solemn, her face animated as she talked. I heard something about a doctor, Alice's exasperated voice talking on for a few minutes without pause. Then her speech cut off, and a grimace flashed across her face.

"No sé," she whispered, grimacing and shaking her head. She didn't know something, but I didn't know what the other person had asked. There were a few more exchanges, Alice's face growing darker. Finally, she ended the conversation with a quick "Te amo, Abuelita."

Alice hung up the phone, not looking at me as she held it in her lap. Her eyes were dark, her hair partially obscuring her face. "My grandmother. Sorry about that."

"It's okay," I said, frowning at her. She tucked her hair behind her ear, exposing her face, and I thought I saw the glimmer of a tear in her eye. "Alice? Are you…okay?"

Alice took a deep, shaky breath. She shook her head as if to clear it. "Forget about it. I just…don't worry about it. Thanks for the hot chocolate."

I nodded, settling back in my chair. She wasn't fine, that much was clear. But as she looked up at me, her face wiped clean of emotion and her eyes steady as they looked at me, I decided to follow her lead and ignore it.

"Um," I said, stalling for what to do. "Want to watch a movie or something while we wait?"

The corner of Alice's lip turned up into a faint smile as she glanced at the TV. "That would be nice." Alice's eyes widened as she straightened up, startling me when she sneezed loudly. She shifted uncomfortably, pulling her wet shirt away from her chest, and I realized just how soaked through she was.

I got to my feet. "Do you want to borrow some clothes? I can toss yours in the dryer if you want, and that way you can get out of them."

Alice nodded. "You have a washer and dryer?" Her voice was slightly incredulous.

I chuckled. "Just a dryer. A washer's too expensive, but I found that a dryer is nice when I get soaked through."

Alice let out a weak laugh with me, her shoulders shaking. "That would probably be smart."

I smiled with her, surprised at how it felt like it was getting easier, being with her. I waved towards the TV. "There's a few DVDs over there, in the cabinet. I'll get you some clothes and you can choose something to watch."

I disappeared into my bedroom as Alice knelt in front of the TV. When I returned, I traded her clothes for the movie she extended out to me. I couldn't stop the laughter that burst out of me when I saw the movie she had picked.

"_The Lion King_?" I asked, still laughing. I'd forgotten I had this one. "This used to be one of my favorites. I watched it all the time."

Alice smiled. "It was one of my favorites, too. I actually had all the stuffed animals when I was little. Rafiki was my favorite. He…reminded me of my grandma." We shared a smile, neither of us moving. Then I ducked my head, looking away, uncomfortable just standing with her.

"The bathroom's actually through my bedroom," I explained. "Bring your clothes out and I'll dry them for you."

Alice nodded and walked back as I put in the movie. I cracked the door to my dorm so Alice and I could hear when someone came to unlock her room.

She came out in my yoga pants and sweater, the latter a little large on her. She'd pulled her hair back into a thick, complicated looking braid that hung over the front of her shoulder and dropped to her waist. While I threw the clothes in the dryer, she got situated on the couch with her hot chocolate once more.

"Ready?" I asked, coming back and picking up the remote. Alice nodded over her drink, taking another sip of the warm liquid. I started the movie and sat down on the couch next to her, curling my legs up and leaning away from her onto the arm rest.

In the middle of "Hakuna Matata", Alice abruptly interrupted the movie. "Bella?"

I glanced at her. "Alice?"

She smiled over her hot chocolate, still wrapped in her hands. "Thank you." It was a genuine smile, the sadness in her eyes replaced by a quiet contentment. "For everything." She raised up her mug and swept her arm out, encompassing the TV and her clothes. "This…means a lot to me."

I gave her a shy smile, dropping my eyes. I could hear Timon and Pumbaa singing in the background. "You're welcome."

As we continued watching the movie, I didn't tell Alice what I was thinking. That this was my first time hanging out casually with another person in years, or that I was kind of enjoying it. I didn't tell her that it was nice, to pretend to be a normal person without dark shadows in her past. But I did put my legs down so I wasn't leaning away from her any more. I snuck a sideways glance at her, seeing her sitting there in my clothes as we enjoyed a movie together.

I didn't tell her it was almost like having a friend.

Simba and Nala had just started feeling the love tonight when there was a knock at the door. It slipped open a few inches as Alice and I both turned to look at it. A man stuck his thread through the door. "Do either of you ladies know where Mary Alice Brandon is?"

Alice got to her feet, setting down the now empty mug. "Just call me Alice."

The door opened wider. A big man stood in the doorway, broad shouldered and muscled. He had a round face with curly black hair that fell over his brow. His bright blue eyes flicked to the TV screen, and his face lit up.

"Lion King? I love that movie!" He looked at us with a big, goofy grin, stepping inside my dorm. "I haven't seen it since—" His face fell, brow pinching as he shook his head and looked away from the TV. I got to my feet slowly as he took a deep breath.

The man looked at Alice, face back to business. "You need your room unlocked?"

Alice nodded, walking over to him and wrapping her arms around herself. "Yeah. Thanks." As they moved into the hallway, I stepped into the doorway to watch them.

Alice was two doors down from me. The man unlocked her room and Alice propped her door open. "Thanks again," she said, turning to face him and smiling sheepishly. "I won't let that happen again."

The guy laughed, holding out his hand. "I don't mind. It's nice to get out and do something. I'm Emmett, by the way."

Alice shook his hand. "Alice, but you already knew that."

Emmett glanced at me, and I inclined my head in greeting. "I'm Bella."

"Nice to meet you," Emmett said, a smile spreading across his face. "Is that your movie playing?"

I realized we could still hear the sounds of the Disney movie. I blushed, dropping my head. "Yeah."

Emmett nodded, seeming to be thinking deeply. "Well, it was nice meeting you two." He waved in farewell, walking back down the hallway.

When he was gone, I looked back up Alice. She giggled, grinning at me. "Thanks again, Bella."

She was about to disappear into her room when I remembered that she was still wearing my clothes. "Alice?" I called after her.

She stuck her head back out her door, raising an eyebrow.

"Your stuff is still here, and you're still wearing my clothes."

Alice frowned for the briefest of moments. "Oh yeah."

"Want to trade now or another time?" I asked, trying to decide if I wanted to spend more time with Alice. It had been nice, once we'd settled down.

Alice smiled. "We didn't finish our movie. Do you want to maybe come over later tonight? You bring the movie and I'll have desert?"

I bit my lip, looking down. "I think I'd like that," I said slowly, my heart pounding. I looked up at Alice, smiling at me. "I have a class until seven, and then I have to eat, but maybe after that?"

"Seven thirty?" Alice suggested. I nodded, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes.

"It's a date," Alice said smugly. She disappeared into her dorm, leaving me standing in the doorway and wondering what I had agreed to.

* * *

**The song lyrics at the beginning are from "Dig" by Incubus. **


	2. Invitations

**Chapter Two: Invitations**

_Wind in time  
Rapes the flower trembling on the vine  
Nothing yields to shelter it  
From above  
They say temptation will destroy our love  
The never ending hunger_

_But I fear_  
_I have nothing to give_  
_I have so much to lose_  
_Here in this lonely place_  
_Tangled up in our embrace_  
_There's nothing I'd like_  
_Better than to fall_  
_But I fear_  
_I have nothing to give_  
_I have so much to lose_  
_I have nothing to give_  
_We have so much to lose..._

* * *

"Would Miss Isabella Swan and Mr. Edward Masen remain after class, please?"

I glanced up at the professor as she called my name, my brow pinching together. I'd given Professor Platt no reason to single me out. In the month of classes so far, I'd yet to interact with her directly. She apparently didn't know that I liked to go by Bella, as she'd called up by my name on the roster.

As the rest of the class filed out of the lecture hall, I remained in my seat, slowly gathering together my supplies. I closed my notebook and slipped it into my bag, picked up my pen and replaced it in my little case.

When the class was nearly empty, I draped my messenger bag over my shoulder and began walking towards the front desk. Another boy walked up there, a bronze haired boy with sparkling green eyes. He had to be Edward.

The creative writing professor smiled at us as we stood in front of her desk. Professor Platt was a woman only a few inches taller than me, with a heart shaped face and flowing caramel hair. She straightened a few books on her desk, waiting until we were alone in the room.

Her smile widened as the last student filed out of the class. "Hello." Her voice was smooth, warm and comforting.

"Hi," Edward and I chorused dully, glancing at each other as we spoke in synchronization.

Platt got to her feet, extending a hand out to each of us in turn. "I know I've been your teacher for a while now, but I have yet to actually speak with either of you. Mr. Masen, Ms. Swan."

Edward gnawed on his lip as Platt shook his hand. I gave her a small, tight lipped smile, hooking my bag higher up on my shoulder.

"I called you up because I wanted to extend a special invitation," Platt continued. Edward nodded in understanding, but I frowned. "Mr. Masen, has my husband already talked to you?"

Edward frowned. "Your husband?"

Platt chuckled, eyes dropping down demurely. "I apologize for the confusion. Platt is actually my maiden name. I use it to avoid confusion, as Professor Carlisle Cullen is my husband."

Edward nodded once more, but I still had no idea what was going on. "He mentioned something about dinner."

She nodded, smiling at me. "Yes. My husband and I like to invite students to our house for a night of dinner and discussion. It's a chance for us to get to know a few of our students better while exposing them to students they may not necessarily cross paths with, and a chance for college students to get a free meal." She winked at us. "It's usually a small gathering, between six and eight students. I'd like to invite the both of you to our house for dinner on Thursday."

My eyebrows rose in question, surprised at this. I'd known that Meyer University, as a small private school, did unique things like this, but I'd never been a part of it. Nobody had ever singled me out like this before.

"It would be from six to eight-thirty, or whenever we decide the conversation has continued long enough," Platt added. "Here is our address. I apologize for the distance, but there are busses available." She handed us a small slip of paper with their address written on it. It was in Forks, the next town over. "I hope I can see the both of you there. Please let me know if you are unable to attend."

I nodded, dropping the paper in my bag. Edward looked down at it, carefully folding and creasing it before he slipped it into his pocket.

"Thank you for the invitation," I murmured.

"You're welcome, Isabella."

"Bella," I corrected, glancing up at her from under the hair that had fallen in my eyes. "I prefer Bella, Professor."

"Bella, then." Platt smiled at me. "I look forward to having a chance to talk to you. And Edward, I hope you'll be able to come."

Edward let out a deep breath. "Yes, Professor Platt. I don't believe I have anything that night."

She beamed at us as we walked out of the room.

I glanced at Edward out of the corner of my eye as I walked alongside him. His long legs moved quickly, as if he was eager to get somewhere. I had to struggle to keep up with him. Finally, I gave up as we walked out into the drizzly air.

Edward strode away, with only the briefest of glances back at me where I stood, watching him. He walked with his head bowed, his shoulders bent forward. His long fingers curled around the straps of his messenger bag. He walked with a quiet, unassuming air, someone who was trying to remain unseen.

I couldn't blame him.

After eating a quick dinner, I found myself standing outside of Alice's room. I had her clothes and the movie in one hand, the other raised to knock on her door. I hesitated, not really sure if I wanted to do this. The movie wasn't very long, and we were almost done with it. What would we do after? Would she want to talk? Or hang out? Or go somewhere else?

I wasn't sure if I could do this.

Before I could decide either way, the door opened and Alice's bright face peered out. She smiled at me, opening the door wider. She glanced at my hand and waggled her eyebrows. "Score one for the psychic," she said appreciatively as I lowered my hand. "Before you even knocked."

"Psychic?" I repeated, tilting my head. "What do you mean?"

Alice shrugged, moving out of the way so I could walk in the room. "I like to try to predict things before they happen. I'm not usually right, but sometimes I am."

I glanced uneasily at a clock on her wall. "I said seven thirty, right? I'm on time."

Alice pursed her lips, putting her hands on her hips. She'd changed into her own clothes since I'd last seen her. They fit her better, though the fabric was still loose and billowing around her. "Yeah, but I still got you before you knocked."

I nodded, not sure how to respond. I held out the clothes and movie. "I brought your things. And the movie," I added hastily, looking over at her chairs she had set up in her room. There was a laptop open on the coffee table, a screen set up next to it instead of a TV.

"Sorry I don't have a TV," Alice apologized, seeing where I was looking. "I couldn't spend…It was just too…We can go back to your place if you really want a TV." She sighed hopelessly, wringing the clothes in her hand.

I shook my head. Her going to my place meant that she was stuck there. Here, I could leave whenever I wanted. "It's fine. There's not much left to the movie, anyway."

Alice nodded, brightening up a bit. She patted the plush armchair. "Do you want to sit here or there?" She pointed to a few feet away, where there was a beanbag set up.

"I—I don't care," I stammered.

Alice shrugged. "I like the beanbag better. Do you mind?"

I shook my head, and she got us all set up with the movie. I awkwardly sat upright in the chair, looking around Alice's apartment. She'd left my clothes sitting in a bag by the door.

It was the same as mine, only backwards. Everything was on the opposite side of the room. A high pitched whistling sound came from the kitchen, and Alice stood up.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Alice asked, moving into the kitchen. The whistling, coming from a teakettle on the tiny stove, turned off as she moved it. She poured herself a mug, glancing at me.

I looked away, back at the screen where the movie was paused. "I'm good. Thanks."

Alice came back in to the room, balancing a mug of tea in one hand and a plate of brownies in the other. She set it down on the small table between us. She started the movie, then curled up in the beanbag with her mug.

"I love this movie," she sighed, reaching for a brownie.

I smiled, letting go of some of the tension coiled up in my body as I reached for a brownie. "Good movie," I agreed, taking a bite of the brownie. My eyes widened, and I looked at Alice. I spoke through a full mouth, covering my lips with my hand. "Oh my god, this is the best thing I have ever tasted." My words were garbled by the chocolate in my mouth, but Alice laughed in understanding.

It was rich, it was creamy, it was full of dark chocolate chunks. It had to be homemade.

"My grandmother's secret recipe," Alice said, winking at me. "Wait until you have them fresh out of the oven, especially when she makes them." Alice smiled wistfully at the ceiling. "Abuelita makes the best brownies. Best cook ever, actually."

I smiled, dropping my eyes. I'd never met my grandmother. And my mother had never been one for making me anything homemade. Hearing Alice talk about her grandmother, hearing the love in her voice…it made me yearn for something I'd never had.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed the emotion away and turned back to the movie, eating the rest of the chocolate desert. I hadn't made it this long by mourning for what I didn't have.

Alice and I were silent through the rest of the movie. It was at the final scene where Simba and Scar faced off. Alice was leaning forward in her seat, the empty mug clenched in her hands. I had curled my legs underneath me, getting more comfortable in the chair and resting my chin on my hands.

There was a thud at the door, causing Alice to jump. She straightened up, peering at the door in confusion. I craned my neck, looking at the door. Nothing looked amiss.

"Come on, Rosie," a man's voice crooned. The words were slightly slurred, hard to understand through a thick New York accent. "You know you want to." Alice reached out and paused the movie so we could hear better.

"Royce, I don't. Not tonight," a woman's voice said. Her voice was weak, the same accent present, but not as strong. "Please. Let's just walk back to your place."

"You don' want me, Rosie? I'm so hurt," the male voice said, full of mocking emotion. "Come on. Just one time. We can stop at second base. Whattaya say?"

"Royce, stop." The woman's voice cut off abruptly, followed by another thud on the door.

I frowned at Alice, who got up from her seat. I leaned back in mine, wanting to stay out of it.

Alice moved towards the door. It was silent, except for the sounds of someone making out. I wrinkled my nose in disgust, shaking my head.

"Excuse me?" Alice's thin voice called through the door. The sounds outside cut off.

"Royce, someone's in there. Just go," Rosie protested.

"What the hell do you want?" Royce's voice bellowed. Alice turned the door handle tentatively, pulling it open just enough to see through the door.

I caught sight of a statuesque blonde who was hurriedly doing the top button on her blouse. There was the faint shadow of a hickie on her collarbone, quickly covered by the blouse as she yanked it up. She brushed her hair out of her face, glaring at us. A man was draped around her, leering at us. He had dark hair, flopping over his forehead. His clothes were a nice quality, but disheveled, and he swayed on his feet where he stood.

"Look, Rosalie. We've got a fucking audience now. Are you happy?" he demanded, reaching out with a hand and knocking her on the shoulder. She flinched, cringing away from him. "Why you gotta be so damn loud?"

My eyes widened, and I pressed myself flat against the back of the couch. I turned away so I couldn't see them, closing my eyes and trying to keep memories from resurfacing. These weren't my memories, not my demons, but they were close enough. The drunk speech, the weak woman, the hickie…

"Oyé!" Alice exclaimed, her Spanish taking over and her own accent thickening her words. "We were trying to watch a movie when you started making a ruckus out here. Do you mind _not_?"

"Mexican whore," Royce spat. I flinched at his words, remembering similar insults hurled at me. "Come on, Rosie. We don't have to deal with this shit." The sounds of a small scuffle and heavy footsteps disappearing sounded.

"Same to you, you S.O.B.," Alice muttered, closing her door. "Well, that was certainly eventful."

I unwrapped myself from where my arms were clenching my knees. I looked at her to see her dancing across the floor. "That's it?" I asked in disbelief, heart pounding. "_That was eventful?_ You just got called a…a…" I couldn't bring myself to say it. It reminded me of when people I thought were my friends had said it to me.

"A Mexican whore?" Alice repeated, voice sad and resigned as she dropped down in the bean bag. "I've been called worse by less. Aw, I missed the end of the movie!" She pouted, crossing her arms and huffing in exasperation. Alice glanced over at me. "Um, Bella?"

I looked at her.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked, gesturing to the chair. I looked down at my hands, seeing how the knuckles had turned even whiter where I gripped my hands. My knees were still curled up to my chest, and I felt how wide my eyes were.

I shook my head. "Not really." I was trapped in the dark recesses of my mind, remembering things I didn't want to remember.

Second base. The crooning, drunk voice. Weak protests, brushed aside. Roaming hands, slipping under a pink, second hand t-shirt. Unbuttoning faded jeans.

"Want to talk about it?" Alice asked softly. I shook my head again, and she let out a wry chuckle. "We've sure switched positions from earlier, haven't we?"

I looked at her askance, confused.

She raised an eyebrow. "You asked me earlier if I was okay, after the phone call, and I said I didn't want to talk about it. You let it drop, so I'll let this drop." I blinked, the memory coming back to me. It blocked out the more painful ones, and I focused on the time I'd spent with Alice earlier.

I nodded slowly. "Yeah. Switched positions," I murmured. I took a deep, shaking breath. "Well, since the movie's done, I think I'll go home."

"Okay." Alice's voice was a soft whisper, sounding defeated. I got up from my chair, avoiding looking at her. I couldn't be here right now. It was too much. I didn't want to be alone with her. I didn't want to be alone with anybody. I needed to be by myself or lost in a crowd. I couldn't be singled out like this.

Moving quickly towards the door, I scooped up the bag of my clothes that Alice had borrowed. I opened her door, hesitating as I looked out in the hallway that minutes ago had been occupied by the drunk couple. The blonde's face was imprinted on my memory, the flash of fear in her eyes as the man reached for her, the quaver in her voice resonating in my ears. His slurred speech slid through me again.

"Alice?" I asked, looking down at my sneaker clad feet.

"Yes?"

"Have you ever talked to anyone who went to one of Professor Platt's dinners? Or Professor Cullen's?"

I heard the shifting sound of the bean bag. "I don't know anyone. I just met Platt this year, but I was invited to a dinner soon."

My brow furrowed. "Thursday?"

"Yeah." Alice's voice turned hopeful. "Do you know someone who's going? I haven't heard of anyone else and I'm scared I won't know anyone."

"I was invited," I said, my voice low and husky.

Alice giggled in glee. "At least I'll know someone." I heard her light footsteps across the ground.

"I don't know if I want to go."

A hand touched my shoulder, and my head snapped up, looking at the contact. Alice withdrew, face pleading. "Come on, Bella. You have to go. I'll be there."

I hesitated, biting my lip. "I really don't know."

"We can ride the bus together!" Alice exclaimed, clapping in excitement. I couldn't keep up with this girl's mood swings.

I shook my head. "Alice…" I had my own car. I rode solo.

"Please, Bella?"

Cursing internally, I looked at the little pixie's earnest face. She looked so desperate.

I considered it. We wouldn't be alone. There would be four of us, at least, between Alice and me and the two professors. It was a small group, but maybe Alice would talk a lot and fill the silence.

"Fine," I grumbled, turning around and walking out the door. "I'll go."

I regretted my words the moment I heard Alice's whoop behind her closed door.

* * *

**The song is "Fear" by Sarah McLachlan. **


End file.
